Does NOT Have a Showroom in Worcestershire & Is NOT Known as the ‘WORCESTER BOOSTER!’
BREAKING NEWS: The Home Secretary has (NOT) been caught up in a scandal of not declaring that he has two jabs, oops typo, we mean jobs, but if he had, it might have gone something like this.
Red Brick reporter, Kade Vidic, has uncovered yet more dodginess and wrongdoing from yet another Tory Globalist Puppet. It appears that the unsuspecting Bromsgrove constituents in the County of Worcestershire, were unaware that their Member of Parliament doubles up at weekends selling and buying ‘old bangers’ for below market value, only to inflate the prices way more than the ‘going rate’ when selling them on.
The Hon Mr Jab-it, Home Secret-tory, was covertly filmed in a Red Brick ‘sting operation’ selling our undercover reporter, Kade Vidic, an over-priced car, but this was only part of the process.
Mr Jab-it, would, using all of his ‘government think-tank’ psychology, and SAGE like wisdom, convince car buyers that they need to by unnecessary vehicle products, which he calls his, ‘profit boosters.’
This venture is known only to a few of his closest confidantes within his inner circle, which he has aptly named his ‘cabinet.’ Mr Jab-it, who is a big fan of the Bruce Lee 1970s Movie, ‘The Big Boss.’
Hewben Dunn (above) a member of the ‘Bonnet’s cabinet.
Mr Jab-it considers himself also to be a ‘big boss,’ as the head of his own ‘outside of office hours’ organisation,’ His underlings are required to address him as, ‘The Bonnet,’ no, not in respect of him not having one, although he is blessed with one of the shiniest bald heads in government, it is because one of his childhood heroes was the arch villain, ‘The Hood,’ from Thunderbirds. Below is an image of the Hood.
No, not that ‘hood,’ this Hood (International Villain from Thunderbirds).
thunderbirds.fandom.com
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anyone mentioned in this article is purely coincidental.
We have learned that Mr Jab-it or, ‘The Bonnet,’ has been given a nickname by his inner circle, who refer to him as the ‘The Worcester Booster,’ or just ‘Booster’ for short, referencing his own ‘profit boosting cash injections,’ for his insurance ‘add ons.’
Red Brick for Truth sent out its international award-winning Truth Reporter, Kade Vidic, on an undercover mission dressed up as a ‘Useless Eating Gubble,’ to buy a motor car from the man local people know only as, Daruth Early, and not as their Worcester based MP and Home Office Minister.
The Booster’s in his clever disguise was captured by one of our covert cameras, showing him standing on the forecourt next to his cars for sale, rubbing his hands and salivating at the thought inducing more ‘suckers’ to receive his boosters (image below).
It is easy to see how Mr Jab-it blends seamlessly into the community as car salesman, Daruth Early, although to the to the trained eyes of Kade Vidic, he is simply, Mr Jab-it, the Worcester Booster.
Kade Vidic, entered the car sales forecourt posing as an Innocent everyday moronic punter complete with a chemtrail addled brain, representative of a dumbed down, fast food eating, cheap fizzy wine and tv box set addict, otherwise known as a member of the Public (MOP).
It did not take long for the Worcester Booster to sell Kade the ‘banger in the background’ (From here on in we will only refer to Mr Jab-it as, Booster).
Booster: “Hello John wanna a new motor (cheeky cockney geezer accent used by Booster as a punchy opening line and icebreaker).”
After a few minutes Booster sells a car to Kade, who pretends to be a confused the MOP, bamboozled into thinking that it was his choice to buy the car, when in fact it was the Booster who cleverly engineered the sale, although Kade played along like the consummate professional he is.
Kade (MOP): Fanks boss. Fink I’ll show the fing to me mates down at the ‘Old Bull and Bush.’
At this point Booster begins working on Kade to by ‘insurance boosters.’
Booster: You will need to buy Moderna insurance (GAP insurance) in case you have an accident, and your car is written off. If your insurance company only offers you below market value for your car. A Moderna insurance boost will make up the difference between the insurance company’s value and the actual market value, so you do not lose out.”
“There is no guarantee that the other driver will be fully protected or even have boosted his protection with his broker. You will be able to claim for your property losses, or indeed compensation for any injuries due to their negligence and not having boosted their protection.
“All that said, I hope we have scared you, I mean, persuaded you to take our insurance booster and inject a warm feeling of knowing that you are fully protected.”
Kade: “OK, I’ll take that, but it is a banger and a little runabout just get me to the dole office and benefits assessments.”
Booster: “Goodness, this is not good! Now that I know you are doing shorter journeys during daytime office hours there is a much higher likelihood you will come into contact with elderly and vulnerable ‘useless eaters’ going to their own benefit assessments, so now you are going to need another insurance ‘booster’ to protect the vulnerable.
Kade: “But it is only 5 minutes on 20 MPH roads from my home to the benefits offices.”
Booster: Oh no! This is worse than I thought. Driving such short and familiar distances repeatedly trusted BBC research shows it will make you all too familiar with the same route, meaning you could easily become distracted and take your eye off the ball. You need another ‘booster,’ just in case you cause a multi accident involving younger’ and less attentive age groups re road safety.”
Kade: Sorry, but this all too much for me. Your boosters are never-ending and I’m off!”
As Kade Vidic gives it a sharp exit by running off he looks over his shoulder only to the Worcester Booster running after him screaming from the top of his lungs, “DON’T GO, ALL YOU NEED ARE BOOSTERS, WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT, DO YOU LIKE KEBABS, CINEMA TICKETS, COME BACK, YOU CAN HAVE BOTH, JUST TAKE MY BOOSTERS, EVERYONE NEEDS BOOSTERS.”
Before Kade is about to make his well-planned escape he takes one last look over his shoulder, only to see a broken man in a childlike tantrum thrashing around on the ground tearfully whimpering, “BOOSTERS FOR EVERYONE AND THEY ARE ALL FREE TODAY.”
Editor’s Note: This is of course a spoof inspired by the leading satirists themselves, the Spitting Image Team.