Editor: We are getting a great response to the reopening of our parliamentary shop with many of our products almost sold out.
Today we are announcing two more Red Brick products, which you can read all about below, however, before we do that, I would like to introduce two familiar faces who have volunteered to help run the parliamentary shop, Mr Benn and Mr Fez.
I would just like to point out that the Parliamentary tattoo Parlour is very much a work-in-progress and I would ask you all to be patient for the time being, thank you, the editor.
This is the Red Brick circular sent to all parliamentarians:
Are you worried about the future, knowing that for the first time you will be having to venture out of your publicly funded, triple glazed, mineral water on tap government office, setting out on the campaign trail canvassing for the ‘useless eating’ Hopium Votes? If not, you should be, because it is a jungle out there full of ‘lions and tigers and bears,’ oh my!
Perhaps you have already gained campaigning experience and came face to face, literally, with risks of door to door, one on one chats with the electorate, having to stand there, breathing in the unfiltered stench
from their kestrel super strength 9% volume nicotine breath, body odour and the odious wafts of air from their bathrooms, well, read on.
Gone are the joyful days of the UK Lurgydemic Locketydown and that warm feeling you received when you heard the mere mention of the satanic phrase, Rule of Sixes, especially the one that meant you could keep a minimum distance of six feet between you and the electorate;’ it was pure swamp magic for you; a total rush.
However, them ‘glory days’ are gone, for now, and despite the efforts of the World Health Organisation (WHO) scaring citizens the world over with the imminent arrival of yet another, ‘Lurgy Armageddon,’ governments around the world are not quite buying into the WHO’s ‘yada-yada-yada.’
Even though the Who has lost the trust of many citizens from around the world, putting it on a par with Peter, him being the Boy Who Cried Wolf, they continue to bang on about the next ‘demic’ this and ‘demic’ that, and whilst it appears they are happy to ‘talk the talk,’ the ‘powers that be’ are not committing themselves to ‘walking the walk;’ or to put it another way, imposing tyrannical imprisonment upon the citizens through locking them down.
For now, the WHO are having to content themselves by repeating their mantra, ‘jab, jab, jab me baby one more time’ plan, that is, until the
international governments surrender the medical sovereignty of their citizens to the WHO through an International Pandemic Treaty, although as of January 2025 things do not appear to be going the WHO’s way.
If and when this happens, the next version of a Government Takedown, oops, typo, Lockdown, will be on steroids if the performance of the current party representing the UK’s One-Party System of Government has anything to do with it, however, this is just Red Brick’s opinion.
Until then, it’s back to walking door-to-door canvassing for votes and that means talking face to face with the public, especially the elderly and not knowing if an encounter with them will result in you becoming infected with one of their everyday living conditions:
· Poverty.
· Loneliness.
· Low Socioeconomic Status and….
· Isolation – to name but a few.
Worried? Well, DO NOT DESPAIR, because we have your back. Actually, we have your head and your hands, too, in fact, we have you all over with our line of PPE, no, not ‘personal protection equipment’ used by the UK’s alleged 2-tier system of UK Policing, but Red Brick’s line of PPE, the Politicians Protection from the Electorate.
Introducing another of our latest Red Brick products – Doorstep Defender:
Just one quick spray of Red Brick’s ’Doorstep Defender’ in the direction of the house you are doorstepping, will form an invisible and impenetrable barrier providing you instant protection from such things as:
· Council House Smokers Coughs.
· Bedsit Lung due to standing in damp Halls and Doorways.
· Rental Property Rash due to insect infestation.
· A DOSE – Developing On the Spot Empathy.
It is essential for parliamentarians to fully protect themselves from developing a DOSE if they are to maintain their political careers, therefore Doorstep Defender is a must when going door-to-door pitching your party and parliamentary guff, especially when having to listen to one of the UK’s millions of elderly, tell you that they are cold, hungry and ill, resulting from the Labour Party withdrawing Winter Fuel Payments for the elderly.
Then there is the frustration and might we say, anger, at having to listen to the whinging and moaning electorate complain that the food prices are too high, and that they just keep on rising as if it is your fault, which,
of course, it is, well, you and all your like-minded puppets who whistle to the tune paid, oops, typo, played by the globalist piper.
Doorstep Defender will help keep you on your toes and alert, as you move door to door listening to the same old drivel of how rising food prices is contributing to their ill-health, because they are unable to afford a basic, yet healthy diet, which has left them dunking out of date stale bread into their piss-water cuppa soups, both of which they bought from a ‘mega-cheapo’ store selling out of date stock.
If having to speak with the electorate on their doorstep is not enough, what about the time when you have to visit the same ‘useless eaters’ in their own homes to conduct a Gordon-Brown-esque media interview with these ‘breadline bigots?’ If you are worried, don’t be, just read on.
At Red Brick your concern is our concern and we realise that there will be times during the campaign trail that you will be joined by the Mainstream Media (MSM), so you know at some point you will have to sit down with an elderly person in their house drinking tea from their best Bone China, which means you will have to listen to a monologue of how it has been in the family for generations.
Then you will not be surprised to hear that we have added another Red Brick product to our PPE range to keep you safe when you are out there,
on the street, speaking to the elderly, in their house, away from the safety and security of Swampminster.
Introducing ‘Cocoon.’
‘Cocoon,’ is the all over protection for the times you are having to commit to an arranged meeting where you have to knock on an elderly lady’s door, who magically appears with a tray of tea and biscuits in hand stating, “I wasn’t expecting company,” despite the Mainstream Media having their cameras and sound booms set up in her front room waiting for you.
Cocoon will offer you the protection you need from media mishaps, such as presenting like the sanctimonious, vacuous and insincere vessel you are, all of which could seriously affect your wallet.
You can avoid any embarrassment by simply spraying a little Cocoon near your face whilst simultaneously breathing in a good lungful of it, which will induce ‘temporary’ symptoms, such as the unfamiliar ability to empathise, an ability to listen without actually hearing so it does not sink in, being able to smile appropriately and express understanding through non-judgemental facial expressions, which is in contrast and alien to your nature.
Remember, these symptoms are only temporary, so that when you are asked to speak at public meetings and announce, explain and answer questions from the electoral oiks re your party’s promises and pledges, you will still be able to do your talking from either side of your mouth.
When the ‘staged’ media interview begins to stall because the dear old lady starts going ‘off script,’ telling you about her varicose veins and what a shit job your government did to the National Health Service when your party was last in power, it’s time to call it a day.
All that is left to do is answer your mobile phone made by the clipboard wielding assistant standing opposite you, giving you the visual and audible prompt allowing you to make your goodbyes, politely excuse yourself and attend some made up urgent business of your choosing.
Thank you for your time and yes, we do have an unlimited supply of our Doorstep Defender and Cocoon products, because at Red Brick, we know you will need them….on tap.
Shop Managers, Mr Benn and Mr Fez.