Well, Sir Keir Starmer, who on earth are you? That is the question Red Brick will be asking in this article, which will be the first in a series of profiles: ‘‘Who’s Who in Parliament, or to give the place its ‘street name,’ the ‘Pantry,’ which is something of a ‘Testament’ to Westminster following the MP’s expenses scandal; we think it might be something to do with ‘pigs feeding from the trough,’ or something like that?
Before getting stuck in, us at Red Brick would like to have a word in your shell-like, mister. Many of us were Labour voters born and bred, when your local canvassers and councillors would come to our front doors, all nicely dressed up, looking smart, with frying pan rosette, and it was likely we knew them, even if we had not voted for them previously.
Yes, these portly figures, clipboard in hand, would come to our front doors, looking the part. We suppose the phrase is, looking professional. Unlike some of the ‘foul mouthed urchins, dressed like sacks of tatties’, with a bit of string tied around the middle, that seem to pass for Labour MP’s these days. It still seems your party expects us, your lost Labour voters, to vote for the party, just like in the good old days when we would vote blindly and trust our politicians to do their best for us.
So, to get the ball rolling as they say, we thought we would conduct a poll by asking some of our United Kingdom staff, along with a group of carefully selected members of the public, a question or two, just to get a measure and a perception of your public profile, as well as that of the Labour Party:
Question 1: Thinking about the Labour Party, what would you consider to be a defining moment, where they lost the trust of the public, and not just their voters?
Question 2: Secondly, who is the current Labour Party leader?
Question 3: And finally, we asked people if they had ever heard of you?
We are sorry to have to tell you Keir, hold on, actually, we are not, but even if we were, we would tell you anyways, so here are the top 3 results:
Answers to Question 1:
The most popular answer, which should not be a surprise to you, was the way your democratically elected Labour Members of Parliament, attempted to subvert the ‘democratic will of the people’ following the BREXIT referendum. It was truly disgusting to watch.
Second, was the MP’s expenses scandal, which was a farce. A hand full of politicians got thrown to the wolves, no that is not right, put out to graze with a cheeky pension pot, thank you very much, and nice work if you can get it.
Third place was a tie, so we have included them as a duo, and they are the two former Prime Ministers, Tony Blair, and Gordon Brown, better known as, the ‘Two Jocks’ (yes, Tony Blair was born in Scotland, just like Gordon). M’mm, here is a thought, maybe it is high time us Englanders put that wall back up? Nope, no good, it is far too late now, and it would just seem like closing the barn door after the horse had bolted.
To the second question, “Who is the current leader of the Labour Party?”
Most people from our street survey thought Tony Blair was still Prime Minister because he is always on the television, although some people did say they thought he was now in charge of the Conservative Party.
And finally, when we asked people if they had ever heard of you? The answer came in two parts. The most popular answers were a tie, so in no particular order etc:
Eh, who? Are you sure you have got the right name because I have never heard of him? What does he look like?
The other answer is best summed up in the reply given, from a member of the public, Matten Shteiner. Here are his words:
“Don’t know him, oh, hang on, wasn’t he the bloke who was Head of the Crown Prosecution Service when the decision was made not to prosecute Jimmy Saville, although the bloke you are on about was not the reviewing lawyer for the case at the time. Aye, that would have been one high profile prosecution, both nationally and internationally, especially with him being one of the most well-known celebrities at the time and had been for decades, as well as being an acquaintance of the future king of England, Prince Charles? Following the death of the ‘sickly slime,’ that was Saville, I remember there was a nuclear fall-out of evidence, which exposed the details of Saville’s perverted life, past and present. Sadly, it all came out when he was well beyond prosecution, in this life at least, and there was no chance of him taking people down with him, or possibly holding those accountable who were passively complicit, by not reporting on what they knew or suspected, choosing to turn a blind eye, instead of protecting the innocent and vulnerable? Didn’t the same bloke also commission an official investigation into the initial decision as to why Saville was not prosecuted, and following an investigation by, Alison Levitt QC, part of her conclusion was that, had the CPS and Police done a half decent job, then a prosecution ‘could’ have gone ahead. Yes, it is all coming back to me now, although rather than say ‘the buck stops here with me,’ he chose to criticise both the prosecution and police for their handling of the allegations. Is that the geezer you are on about? It is a pity Alison Levitt QC was not around at the time of the original allegations, because that bit of scum sucking pondlife, Saville, might have received some justice, although me and the lads would have done a better job of it down at the CIU Club. Yes, I think I know who you mean, but what was his name? Nah, I give in, and would not even know him if we passed each other in the street!
Well, Sir Kiki, if only us at Red Brick could have £1 for every blank face we saw, when we mentioned your name, then we could all retire to one of them tax haven loophole places, you know, the ones you lot over in the Pantry are always promising to close.
So, there you go, Sir Keir, what do you think of that? This is 1 of 3 articles about you, although when we write, it feels like the equivalent of talking to ourselves, because, really, who are you? Perhaps we will learn more about you in the next article, part 2.
Red Brick.